Alopecia and faith

I found another spot in my head today. Now, as I get older, I see that just a soon as I get excited about some regrowth, alopecia rears its ugly head and takes my hair away from me. Like a thief in the night, it sneaks in and puts a spot where I could have sworn there was regrowth, or it hides like a serpent, waiting for its next opportunity to strike. I've come to the conclusion that I am going to have to live my life much as I did when I was in school -- being totally bald and wear a wig or scarf and just not share my alopecia with anyone anymore. There are just way too many ignorant people in this world who don't want to know or even care that alopecia only affects my outer appearance -- my health and inner beauty is otherwise intact. Quite simply, in their prejudicial minds, once they have been corrected and they lose the chance to sympathize or empathize with me because I don't have cancer, they quickly lose interest -- and then the laughing, pointing, and name-calling starts.

Todd didn't like it when I asked him to cut my hair again, but unfortunately for him, being totally bald is the only way that I can wear a wig comfortably. Perhaps he will like the wig I eventually choose, and perhaps he won't. The only way to find out though is to go ahead and get the wig and let him see it for himself.

It's times like this that I find myself turning to my faith. It was so easy in the past to get to that place where my faith left me feeling at peace with the world around me and my alopecia in particular. Since I've grown up and have several recurrences of the alopecia, I've found it harder and harder to get to that place. Maybe alopecia as an adult is the valley that God has chosen for me to go through so that I have to seek Him out and give everything to Him. I get annoyed with Todd at times for his fixation on going to church and his obsession with religion, but truth be told, maybe I'm just jealous because he does have such strong faith, and maybe he's actually onto something. Either way, I shouldn't judge him so harshly for it, because my tendency to be judgmental at times is putting a huge strain on our relationship. It bothers me so much because I used to be able to deal with these issues with no difficulties. Why is it so hard for me to adjust all of a sudden?

My prayer for today: Lord, grant me clarity and discernment, that I may be able to cope with my alopecia -- and please bless my home and take care of everyone in it -- and please make the object of my affections love me as unconditionally as I love him. In your Son's name I pray, AMEN.