An Open Letter to All of My Haters


Dear Haters,

First of all, let me start by saying that I don’t borrow ideas from ANYBODY. My ideas are my own, and if they happen to be the same as someone else’s, well, let’s just say all great minds think alike. Plagiarism is something I take very seriously, and I will not stand for being accused of such. I take great pains to make sure that I don’t use the exact words of others, and I give credit where credit is due – in other words, I cite my sources.

Second, for the record, yes, I have worked with an editor – and I am a published author as well. And if my blogs sound the same, it is because like all writers, I have a distinctive style and tone, and my message is consistent. If YOU read a variety of works by the same author, you will notice that consistency is a hallmark in all of their works. Whether it is Stephen King, Tom Clancy, J.K. Rowling, Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, or even that trite Twilight garbage that Stephanie Meyer writes, each person has a unique tone and style to everything they put to paper, and it doesn’t change.  It may evolve with the passage of time, as most humans do, but at its root, the essence is still the same.

Third, the beauty of having an independent, individual mind is that I have the freedom to agree with some things people say and disagree with other things. Tact and “swagger”, whatever that is, is not required. I am not obligated by law or moral code to totally agree with everything that is said on Alopecia World, nor am I required to do the same for GAM. In fact, I have disagreed with things that GAM has said in the past in this very forum. It creates a meaningful dialogue, and rather than be attacked for it, dissenting opinions are welcomed and alternative points of view are considered.

Fourth, I maintain an independent blog called “Confessions of a MAD Alopecian”, and not only does it speak of the issues affecting all alopecians, but it touches upon my life in general. Thanks to you especially, I have been inspired to start posting on it more regularly – because there, I have the complete freedom to say what I want to say, and if you don’t like it, then you don’t have to read it. Most of my blog posts I publish simultaneously across all of my blogs (AW, GAM, personal), because I recognize that each blog reaches a wholly different audience, and I want what I have to say to reach as many people as possible. Using the diversification method ensures that not only does my message reach a diverse audience, but that I get a very diverse array of responses.

Finally, in answer to your question about my hair, I will say this. Make note of it, because this is very important: I am a human being, with human emotions, and one of those emotions is ambivalence. I have lived with alopecia my entire life, with brief periods of regrowth. In case you don’t understand what that means, let me make it very clear: that means my hair grew back a couple of times before it fell out again. I have lived on both sides of the fence. Having lived both with hair and without hair, my unequivocal answer is this:  What I want is to be healthy. Healthy means disease-free. That means I don’t want to be diabetic, hypothyroid, have migraines, or be alopecic. Yes, I have accepted the unpredictability of alopecia, but that does NOT by any means signify that I don’t want my hair to grow back. In fact, I enjoy cutting and coloring my hair when I do have it, and I would like nothing better than to have eyebrows to frame my face and nose hairs to stop the post-nasal drip that comes with changing weather and the allergies and colds that come with THAT.  However, I also enjoy the maintenance-free lifestyle I have adopted with not having any hair on top of my head and the money I save by not having to buy brushes, combs, shampoos, conditioners, styling products, and Drano to open hair-clogged drains. I also enjoy NOT having to shave my legs or get bikini waxes either. I enjoy that so much so that even if my hair grew back permanently, in its entirety overnight, I would probably cut it off tomorrow so that I didn’t have to be bothered with it.

In case you STILL don’t understand, let me make it even more plain – and trust me when I tell you I didn’t borrow this one from anybody: Alopecia robs the individual of CHOICE. I want to have the CHOICE to shave my head or wear a ponytail or a mohawk or spikes. I want the CHOICE to look like Bigfoot with big hairy legs, or be smooth as silk. I want a cure for alopecia because I want that CHOICE returned to me. There are 130 million people worldwide with alopecia in all of its various forms, and we are all in various stages of living with it, yet the one thing all 130 million of us want is that CHOICE returned to us.

Believe me when I tell you that I get it – I totally get that most people with alopecia want their hair back, and I totally get that the overwhelming majority of people that have alopecia have had some difficulty in how society sees them as a result of it. However, my message always has been and will always be the same: There is only so much self-pitying and hiding that you can do before you have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward with your life. When you stop living your life because of alopecia, or your self-image is totally destroyed because of it, then guess what? Alopecia has won. I am blessed beyond measure to have a family and friends that never determined my value to them based upon my looks, or the hair on my body. I am blessed to have been taught that when you choose your friends, you don’t choose them for what they look like, but by the content of their character. And I am blessed to have had teachers, colleagues, friends, and family alike, near and far, that taught me that honesty is always the best policy, and to say what I mean and mean what I say, in spite of what others may feel about it. That strength is what has sustained me throughout my alopecia journey, and I repeat, that kind of strength is what is needed to beat alopecia once and for all.

What the alopecian community at large needs is UNITY – and Haters, you do nobody any favors by responding to a well-reasoned, well-worded blog post with outright attacks and name-calling, no matter how repetitive or crass or tactless it sounds to you, no matter which platform it comes across.  Censorship of such opinions is not needed either.  If you object to something in a blog, rather than resort to petty name-calling, why not reasonably point out WHY you object to it? You may have a very valid point that may not have been previously been considered, and would go much farther in moving the dialogue forward. If you object to it so much that you feel you can’t do that, then, just as I have the freedom to say what I feel needs to be said, you have the freedom to click the “Back” button on your browser and not read it.  Finally, consider this point:  The very opinion you have such an objection to may prove to be the life-saving words that someone else needed to hear in order to keep fighting, to keep living, to keep surviving.  Would you deny that to someone for the sake of your own bruised little feelings, or would you rather look at the larger picture and allow my words to help who they're going to help?

Thank you again for your response. You have proven to be very inspirational to me.

Sincerely,

A MAD Alopecian